Visa Problems

You want to know the truth? Why else would you be reading this if you didn't? I have been trying to live my life these past few months under the premise of absolute honesty. Half truths and partial lies have been a part of who I was since middle school, and now I have been struggling to tell the truth, and nothing else.

The truth right now, at this moment and for the past few days, is that I am scared. I am afraid that I will have to go back, back to America... Home... While the prospect fills me with joy at the possibility of seeing my friends and family, of being where things are normal, where things are safe. I have found myself day dreaming and wondering what I would do if I did in fact have to go home. Then, like a door slamming down the hall, I am brought back to this moment. I am brought to reality. I remember why I came, I remember my desire to STAY, and I am torn. I feel disappointed with myself for entertaining the thoughts of returning with such a warm and pleasant attitude.

When I am brought back to the present, to the fact that I am indeed still here, I start to think of what being here has accomplished. What have I done? How have I changed anything? Have I been a good enough example of God's love? Has God changed anything in me? What? On and on with the questions and worries.

It has boiled down in my mind to this. What am I to learn from this experience? The situation is simple enough. Bureaucracy is complex and we are at the end of the rope with my visa. Down to 4 days before it expires, it is getting too close for my comfort and I am starting to worry. The lessons could be anything, but here are some guesses I have.
     One could be that God wants to test my patience and my nerves and yet show that He is in control. This would be accomplished by my visa extension being approved at or near the last minute. It would show that God finishes things in His own time, and that He does things when everything is ready.
     The other, near as I can figure, is that I am not meant to be here. Maybe I wasn't supposed to come here, maybe I was supposed to go somewhere else, or worse yet, stay at Walla Walla.

The only thing that I can do is pray. The problem with prayer is that I am so emotional,so confused about where I want to be, I don't know what to pray for. Should I pray to stay? Should I pray to go? The best I can manage is to pray for some semblance of peace and that God would lead me, showing me where and what I am supposed to do. I don't know what else to do...

Edit:

My biggest fear about returning home is that one some level it would represent some kind of failure. I am afraid that it will be yet another thing that I didn't see to the end...

Sad Sky

"The sky is about to cry," Maria said this today. I liked it. It was cloudy and overcast, and there was a nip in the air as a humid cold had followed the clouds to Dnepropetrovsk. She had said this to Greg, and continued on by saying, "It is sad because you are leaving."

Gregory Wilkinson, one of my hall-mates and friends from Walla Walla University this last year came to Ukraine on Wednesday and arrived in Dnepropetrovsk really late. I was so excited to see him. Another American, and one that I knew! A few weeks ago there was a wonderful gentleman by the name of Christopher Beason who came to shoot a video for the Christian School here at the Church, but I didn't know him. This was my friend! When I got to the bus station to pick him up, I was early. I waited until the time came that his bus was supposed to arrive, but it didn't show up at 10:15 pm... or 10:30... or even 10:45!

By now I was worried, but luckily I was with Pastor Alexi who went and asked the clerk at the ticket counter what was going on. He found out that Greg's bus would be late.  If I hadn't found out that his bus was late, I don't know how I would have survived the next 45 minutes! I was getting worried that I hadn't seen him on one of the buses that had come and gone, and it had only been 20-30 minutes, imagine if I had to wait another 45. I would have been freaking out. When he got here, we took him back to the church and went to bed late (or early, depending on how you view 12:30 am).

Thursday, I showed him around the church and we went to my classes. I attempted to teach him some Russian, but to be fair, for me to teach Russian is more than a little bit like a blind guy leading the blind. I also tried to show him how to teach, but considering I know almost nothing myself and I don't even know how to teach well, this was worse than me teaching Russian...

Friday was an action packed day, filled with preparing for Friday Night (our English Speaking Club that we use as an outreach tool), visiting the class of a wonderful and entertaining teacher, Skyping with some of the best people ever (Anne Mulder, Kyle Jacobson, and Heather Ueeck), finishing with Friday Night. I think that Friday Night went really well. Our topic was "Travel/Traveling" and we discussed some vocab for travel, some quotes about travel, and ultimately tied it to the Bible. Our question that we decided to leave everyone with was something to the effect of, "What is your destination in life? Are you going to the cemetery or heaven?"

Then we had a lovely Sabbath, went to church, and I saw Greg off at the bus station. I am so thankful that I got to spend a few days with Greg, and I hope that I can spend more days with him in the future.

Nicholas

Today I had the opportunity to have a Bible study with a man named Nicholas. He is a retired man who used to work in the railway construction industry and in the Soviet Army (or I think, he only mentioned it briefly). He and I discussed how in the USSR, it was not illegal to be a Christian. It was, however, strongly discouraged and looked down upon. According to the teachings of his youth, religion is a tool developed by the ruling class to hold the worker down, to keep them happily submissive.

I had agreed with him that he and I would trade information, he would teach me a little bit of Russian, and I would teach him a little bit of the Bible. When it came time, it was true that he taught me a little Russian, but I found it difficult to switch the subject to the Bible. When I finally got the topic switched over, I only spoke for about half an hour. I told him the basic idea of each book of the bible. That Genesis described where the universe came from, where man came from, and where the Israelites came from. That Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy describe the Jews journey from Egypt to Israel and outlined laws for them to live by. That the next few books were their history, and that Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Songs were poetry. I described the books simply, and as effectively as I could. Then came the final moment. I had just finished describing the New Testament, mentioned that Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John were about Jesus and His sacrifice, and BOOM there it was. He asked the question. Why is Jesus a sacrifice? Why does His death cleanse you, me, and everyone? I was just beginning to answer the question when we ran out of time!

I think that he likely just wants to speak English, but if he wants to practice, and the Bible is the discussion topic, I don't see any harm in talking with him again.

Mickey D's

So, there I am, walking through downtown Dnipropetrovsk, on my way to meet the Director of my school, Maria, to work on my visa when what do I find? Mc-fricken-Donalds!

 It is EVERYWHERE!!! And the best part is that while I waited of Maria outside the fast food joint, I had the opportunity to talk with some of its patrons. That is right, I walked up to random strangers and told them about the food they were eating. Now, I said it in a nice tone and with a smile and they looked at me blankly, not knowing what a single word that passed my lips meant.

 

Now, after we had worked on my visa a little bit (only to hit a bureaucratic wall) we decided to eat. I thought it would be fun to see how similar the food was. I thought it would be even more fun to order in English. Before I had finished my first sentence the guy had almost melted with the realization that I, yes I, was an American. No doubt, as he would correctly assume, I knew nothing of the Russian language. Yet, he still had to serve me. In fact, his manager was watching over his shoulder! I was having a grand old time. I got 20 Chicken Mc Nuggets for me, a cheese burger for Maria, and fries to share (and separate drinks). After we had taken struggled through the order, both smiling and me almost laughing, Maria revealed to the young cashier that she spoke Russian, and he just about died. We all thought that it was hilarious and he must have said something like "Why didn't YOU order!?!" I'll tell you why, for my enjoyment, for her enjoyment, for his growth, and hopefully your enjoyment now. BTW, this is the great sport of a young man who took my order.

 

 Then we sat down to eat. I didn't get a good picture of the restaurant, but imagine a crowded McDonald's with mirrors for decorations, light weigh silver chairs, a couple TV's, and oh yeah, did I mention crowded? NEVER in my life have I EVER seen SO MANY people clamoring to eat in a Fricken McDonald's! An empty chair remained empty for a [insert clever way of saying short period of time]. As follows are pictures of Maria with our food (she is a healthy eater and this food is NOT healthy so she is hiding her face in shame). The smallish picture is my last McNugget and the box they came in. Then there's me, munching on a McNugget.

 This just goes to show you that even when you are in a city that dwarfs your hometown (over 1 mil vs 3k), and even when you are in another country, you can always find McDonald's to make you feel at home...

Teachers Day

Here in Ukraine, the first Sunday in October is a national holiday to honor teachers. They have some sort of half day on the Friday before, and in general it is meant as a day to remember the people who did so much to educate and influence the children of the nation. Our Friday Night English speaking club focused on this topic, and even tied it into Jesus being the most influential teacher.

I would like to take a moment to thank Mrs. Lynn Brant, Mr. Jeff Charbonneau, and Dr. Tom Thompson. They are the three educators that have had the largest impact on my life.
      Branty and Charb helped me to mature in high school. Without their guidance I would be a very different person. Not necessarily a trouble maker, but just a less pleasant person to be around, and possibly a very unsocial person. Charb was recently chosen as the US National Teacher of the year, and he deserves it. However, with all of the congratulations that he has been receiving, I think that Branty has been a little forgotten. She is an excellent teacher, too! I don't want to down play the significant award that Charb has been given, but I do want to up play Mrs. Brant.
     Dr. Thompson is one of the professors that I had at WWU this last year. I had a math course at 8am, 4 days a week, all three quarters. He is retiring from education soon (or so I am told). In my first quarter, I really did not like Dr. Thompson. He was, in my opinion, too strict a grader for the written homework, he taught in a way that I did not understand, and I was afraid to go to his office for help. By the third quarter, I had completely changed. My first assignment (in Fall Quarter) had been a half connected string of scratch work and answers, and my last assignment (in Spring Quarter) was a full fledged document outlining all of the steps required to complete the problems and even some logic here and there to discuss some jump or conclusion. I had gone from one page to 8 front and back.
     The change that Dr. Thompson affected in my was not the same as the one that Charb and Branty had. They had helped me to grow as a person, and I am eternally grateful. Dr. Thompson helped me to grow as a student.


I will say one more thing about teaching before I go. I am a teacher here in Ukraine. I am helping people learn to communicate with a whole new world of people. When I chose to come here I had no idea that my job would be this difficult. I assumed that because English was easy for me to speak, it would be easy for me to teach. I knew on some level that I would struggle with teaching grammar, but I thought on the whole it would be easier. I knew that I would not be a good teacher right away, but I figured I would learn.
     I feel that I am learning to be a good teacher and that I am getting better every day. I struggle with the fact that some words are completely new to those I teach. I cannot define them all, and that is my largest struggle. Because of this expereince here, I have more than a students graditude to Mrs. Brant, Mr. Charbonneau, and Dr. Thompson, I have a teachers respect for the amazing job that they did for me.

Branty, Charb, Dr. Thompson, if you are reading this, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

T-rex

So I had this dream last night. Now, I normally don't remember my dreams, but this one stuck with me. Only glimpses in my mind now that I am conscious, but still, it stuck.When I was waking up, I still had the dream on my mind and I started to think about it, and to my surprise, I came up with an interpretation of the dream.

In m dream, there were some people. These people were running, fighting, and doing everything they could to stay alive and not be eaten. Eaten by what you ask? Great question, They were being followed, or attacked rather, by a Tyrannosaurus Rex. This T-rex is doing everything it can to try to eat you. Tearing down trees, biting stuff in half. The people try to defend themselves by building a fence, it gets shredded. They try using spears, they do nothing. So the people start running.

They run, and they start up a steep mountainside. While this happens, it starts to rain. The rain turns the mountainside into mud and it is too slick for the T-rex to keep up, and eventually it slides down the mountain. The people, however, have no problems going up the mud. They had been saved by the rain.

Now, I know it is slightly corny, but I had the thought that this dream represents, in a way, God's love. First, let's start with the T-rex. I think that this T-rex represents some combination of Satan, sin, and the inevitability that sin will kill us unless we can be saved. Then there are the people, they try everything in THEIR power to stop the sin from killing them. The problem with their power is that it isn't enough and that the T-rex, the sin, was still catching up to them. Finally, there is the rain. To me, this represents how God's love is raining down on us, how it can literally wash away the sin, and save us from our fate.

I know that a T-rex is a little nerdy, but I am a nerd, so the message was tailored especially well for me and other like me.

The Language Barrier

For those of you who are great with the opposite gender, read no further, you won't understand what I am talking about.

Does anyone else have a hard time talking with someone that they find attractive? Be it a guy or a girl, I think that many of us would agree that it can be difficult to find the right words to say to that special someone. You want them to like you, and you don't want them to have a opinion of you. The problem is that you don't know what they like or dislike, you don't know what subjects you can discuss to impress them, and you might even be a little bit afraid to try and find out. At least, that is true for me sometimes. If you can imagine the helpless feeling of not knowing what is okay to talk about and what might upset them, then you might have some idea of the language barrier I am facing.

At this point in time, I speak little to no Russian. I am trying to learn, but that does not mean that I can communicate yet. In a way similar to talking to a beautiful woman, everyone I meet has me speechless. I don't know how much English they might understand. Worse than talking to a beautiful woman in English and not knowing what to say is talking to ANYONE here that only speaks Russian. I want so desperately to have a conversation with them, to get to know them, to see how their day was. But, just like the beautiful woman, I am left standing in the middle of the room, awkwardly trying to find something, anything to say that they might understand.

There is good news, however, in that there are some English speakers here. They communicate with me and I with them. Because of them I do not feel utterly alone, which is good.